Checking the thesaurus, I came up with around 30 synonyms for the word “relatives” some of which include: kinfolk, clan, tribe and stock. We humans are uick to pass negative judgement on words based on preconceived ideas yet all these words evoke positive emotions for different groups and subsets of the population. In talking with professional peers over the years that had spent time living in this part of the country, several told me the Midwestern people, although very nice, are reticent to welcome newcomers into their flock. I couldn’t understand this until I realized that, I too, was part of a clan who stuck together and happily welcomed me back into the fold upon my many annual treks home over the decades. Most people, who move from their place of origin, quickly learn to form new friendships that can become like family over the years. As such, although I saw my parents and siblings during holiday visits and vacations, for better or worse having relatives became irrelevant to me in my adult life…sorry folks! Well, not anymore as it’s a new day!
An interesting phenomenon I have observed in “coming home” is the focus on “last names.” When you live in other parts of the country everyone is a stranger and last names have no context, thus, are often not used nor considered important in getting to know people. In my professional life, last names were only important in identifying and relating to people based on the position they held. I have had to relearn the fact that last names provide context for your family of origin or who you “belong to” which places you within the community network. It also provides a comfortable social starting point for establishing mutual acquaintances/friendships and identifying commonalities with others.
So over the past several years, I have started attending area family gatherings and getting reacquainted with my “relatives.” Most seem like cool people ready, willing and able to share information about their lives and families. It helps that I ask a lot of questions, although I did get in trouble when I asked one cousin: “How many head of cattle he had?” I guess that’s like asking someone how much money they have. Who knew…? Overall, it has been great reminiscing with them about childhood gatherings and escapades, discovering much in common and thinking there are future adventures ahead with some of my long lost cousins. My poor husband, Paul, is still trying to figure out why he keeps getting banished to hot garages with the menfolk when we attend family gatherings, especially given he doesn’t know much about farming so can’t readily join in the conversation. After a professional lifetime of better relating to the men in a group, I am finding solace in sharing my newfound “Haus Frau” stories with the women in the air conditioned house. I am sure my friendly male cousins would readily chat with me if I entered the “male domain of the garage” and the women would readily welcome Paul into their cooking discussions “inside the cool house,” so maybe we will switch it up at the next family gathering.
I recently attended a family reunion on my paternal grandmother’s side of the family (Karels). My great grandfather immigrated to the area from Luxemburg in the late 1880’s, sent for a housekeeper from the old country who he quickly married and together they had 17 children. Yikes! I closely studied two of the somewhat familiar sibling’s family lines but it was difficult to internalize information about people who are all relative strangers to me. My mother sure had a good time chatting with people she grew up and socialized with throughout her life. The game trying to identify about 40 people in a family picture from the 40’s was hysterical as there were only two oldies in attendance who remembered much and they disagreed on who was who. Seems like my great grandmother died young, in her late 50’s, which back in the day was an age at which one could probably say they lived a rich full life, especially having raised such a large family. My grandmother, Mary, was 4th in line and had 6 children; only one of whom is still alive, Margaret Cronin (Auntie Marg), who at 96 is still living independently in Revillo. My father always said I took after her so, for better or worse, longevity could be mine. We’ll see! 2017