I think an inverted bell shaped curve is the best visual to depict my relationship with my mother. A lesser swing toward the bottom of the curve would probably have been more ideal but it all worked out which is probably the case for most folks. In our early years, our mother means everything to us in that she gave us life and is responsible for our survival and upbringing. As we mature, mom moves toward being “persona non grata” during our teens and early adulthood. Human development professionals call this part of a healthy separation from our family of origin. From what I have seen, it is often a jarring and painful experience for moms as we tumble around out there, often incommunicado, trying to find our way in the world. If and when our mom’s weather the empty nest and we return to the fold as mature adults, she moves back to being loved and appreciated anew, thus, the quality of our relationship moves back to the top of the bell shaped curve. My relationship with my mother fit this pattern and I will attempt brevity in describing some of my mom’s many positive attributes and gifts along with a few growing up stories in this tribute to her.
Parenting was a humbling experience for my mom and she quickly learned that ignorance is bliss and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She was older than most of her generation when she welcomed her first child, me, at the age of 24. For the most part my parents were introverted unassuming people who were blessed with a “strong willed” first child. She says I came out fighting and mostly wanted to sleep all day and be entertained all night. I never really grew out of this and am still a night owl by nature. As a youngster, I remember taking a bite out of a bar of soap and spitting it in her face as she tried to wash my mouth out with soap for frequent use of profanity. Nasty child, huh? I also remember coming home from high school one day and proudly announcing that my new English teacher told me that “my reputation preceded me.” My mother is still trying to reconcile her humiliation with a trait I remain quite proud of. I think she was always half scared of me and can still feel that way when I get a little too opinionated. Thanks for hanging in there with me mom!
Education beyond high school was not the norm when I was growing up so I don’t remember getting much encouragement for further education but my parents were always present for graduations, career celebrations and important life events. I do remember her discouraging early marriage and she was there to celebrate mine when I finally wed in my 50’s. I greatly respect my mom’s deep faith along with her discipline in continuing to carry out the rituals associated with that faith throughout her life. She accepts her adult children’s “free choice” in their spirituality and although I don’t share her beliefs, I think she is comforted by the fact that I live by the underlying values associated with them.
My mom puts tremendous attention on and has great appreciation for the “smaller things in life.” I am a “big picture” person so I appreciate her ability to bring my attention to important things I often overlook. Mom is an avid reader and does a lot of journaling of her life experiences. Thus, she has created a great accounting of her life that, hopefully, her children and grandchildren will appreciate.
All things are relative and I appreciate my mom’s ability to get out of her comfort zone during her later years. She has flown alone many times, traveled internationally with Paul and I, learned to pump her own gas (no small feat for a gas man’s wife), successfully driven in her San Diego suburbs, led several card groups, embraced technology using the internet and email, mastered her cell phone, uses her credit card and does online banking. Pretty good for a dame approaching 87!
Mom openly communicates with others in a manner I often describe as “transmitting.” This trait keeps her family and friends well informed about her life experiences. She can be single minded seeing and hearing only what she wants to. I am told I inherited this trait which has served me well in life although it often exasperates others. Mom has always had and continues to have a strong work ethic and sense of urgency to “get it done.” This trait she has instilled in me too; just ask my husband, Paul about my “whirling dervish” behavior before an event. I grew up with “Saturday To Do Lists” and being told to do a few things every day to keep life manageable. I wish she could remember to take her own advice in managing her “paper piles.” Yikes!
Today, I acknowledge and proudly embrace the fact that I have become… much like my mother. Although we have had very different life experiences we have many similar traits and values. In closing this Mother’s Day Tribute, my mom deserves all the love and respect associated with successfully raising and launching me, along with my siblings, into a world in which we have not only survived but thrived. I hope we all make her proud! Happy Mother’s Day Mom! 2019