The fact that I am actually sitting down to “contemplate time” probably says it all. I don’t know about you but I feel like the last 40 years have been a blur of making lists, crossing things off lists, making new lists and trying to shoehorn everything in that needs to be done in a 24 hour day. Exhaustion prevailed but things got better for me when I met Paul about 10 years ago. Having been alone until then, I didn’t realize a willing and able life partner could ease the stresses of life management.
So, the question now becomes how do I want to spend my time and why? What do I care enough about to trade my precious hard won time for at this life phase? What will the return on my investment of time actually be? For me, first and foremost is sleep. It may not be at the normal time for most and it may be in multiple cycles but, I believe I am finally catching up and recapturing my vitality from a lifetime of cumulative sleep deprivation. Having the time to leisurely make and drink my morning coffee alone with my own thoughts has been fabulous. Paying more attention to simple health habits and taking leisurely showers has been wonderful. Ah, the joy of hot water which Paul calls “solid comfort.” Life reflection and journaling have become a routine. I am actually enjoying what I call “haus frau” tasks and even made a homemade carrot cake for my husband’s birthday which I had seldom done in my adult life.
I am becoming a bird watcher requiring lots of bird seed and grape jelly to attract the colorful orioles. I often pick up my binoculars and field guide and am beginning to understand how one could actually learn to identify birds from their separate and distinct looks, behavior and sounds. I quite enjoy leisurely walks up to highway 109 and walking through the fields listening to the birds and talking to the cows in the pasture. I often kayak around the island observing water fowl families floating by and the clouds drifting through the skies. I have also learned about “just visiting” with folks and taking “adventure discovery” day trips alone or with friends and neighbors. What fun!
I do remain a bit obsessive so often still put too many tasks on my daily “to do” list. I am slowly learning to pace myself by allocating only one hour at a time to ominous tasks with rest periods in between. Don’t tell anyone but I have actually taken a few naps. In “coming home” I long to move from a “life of doing” to a “life of being” where things unfold more organically. I am not there yet but feel a great sense of peace and contentment in the process. Oh, and a disclaimer, Paul usually makes the morning coffee I so enjoy. 2017